


A Penguin and A Riddler

by Kirbily



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood Kink, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, Idiots in Love, M/M, Making Out, Minor Violence, Smut, also very minor minor blood kink, i'm not sure, is it smut though?, it could be either of those really, like minor minor minor violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 10:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15928943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbily/pseuds/Kirbily
Summary: During a masquerade fundraiser for Gotham's elite, Edward and Oswald run into each other. When Edward sweeps Oswald onto the dance floor, the night takes a drastic turn from what the two of them had planned for themselves and sees the two of them end up on in closet together hot and bothered.





	A Penguin and A Riddler

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first smut fic, though I'm not sure if it even falls under smut since so little happens. But I hope you enjoy it!

Music filled the museum gallery, something classical but upbeat from a string quartet in one corner to allow the party goers to twirl and swoop on the dancefloor. Gotham’s elite had gathered for some fundraiser or another, but it was hard to tell who was who under the colourful masks and grand outfits. A masquerade, how quaint.

It would have been the perfect opportunity for a heist, but he was there for something entirely different. Pity, but he was sure such an occasion would present itself again. 

He stood near the dancefloor, gazing at himself in a wall length mirror that was on loan from some French palace. Though the gold gilded mirror frame was exquisite, it was the craftsmanship of his own costume he was admiring. 

A black satin mask covered his eyes, it’s nose elongated and slightly curved to suggest a beak. Dark hair slicked back, a black tux that would have been plain if not for the hundreds of black feather shaped rhinestones hand stitched over every inch, white gloves gripping the bird shaped handle of a nearly iconic and well-known cane, black and white wingtip shoes. Yes, his tailor had spent a good long time putting the outfit together, but it was worth it. 

Lost in his admiration of the patience it would have taken to sew each individual glittering stone to his ensemble, he didn’t notice he had company until a recognizable voice spoke, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Twin or double I am not,” the other man said, coming to stand beside him before the mirror. “I look the part, but you’ll realize something’s amiss. What am I?”

“An imposter,” he replied, unable to keep a smile from appearing on his face. He turned his head to acknowledge his company. “Hello Oswald.”

The shorter man eyed Edward up and down, an unamused expression on his own masked face. “Really, a penguin?”

“I couldn’t resist,” Ed said simply, still grinning. 

“I wish you would have.”

Ed nodded to Oswald’s own outfit. “You’re one to talk.”

Indeed, Oswald was decked out in well fitted glittering green, purple question marks covering his jacket, a purple domino mask over his eyes, green sparkly bowler on his head, and leaning on a golden cane that’s handle looked suspiciously like a question mark. 

The sight was… a sight, to be certain, and he definitely stood out amongst the guests who were busy dancing or drinking, or both. A still, shimmering figure in a sea of colourful movement. Ed found it a bit difficult to focus on just a single part of the ensemble, his eyes dancing over the shining sequins of Oswald’s chest, down his glittering legs, and back up to his pale eyes behind the purple mask. Suddenly Edward felt a bit warmer and wished he hadn’t worn so many darn layers.

“This whole masquerade fundraiser is silly and uninspired,” Oswald was continuing, upper lip curling in disgust as he took a moment to glance at the other partygoers. “I thought I should have a costume that matched.”

“You wound me,” Ed said with mock offense, putting his hand to his chest and hoping Oswald didn’t see that his words did, in fact, sting just a little.

“Then you should prepare yourself for more humiliation, since I’ve seen three other Riddlers since I’ve been here.”

“What, really?” Ed couldn’t help but feel genuinely interested in this turn of events, but he had to remind himself he was here for a purpose. “Are they as… eye catching as your costume?” He waved a hand to indicate Oswald’s shimmering outfit.

“Hardly. Your regular wardrobe is a bit drab, so I thought to add some of my own flare to it.” Oswald grinned in a way that Edward knew he was being made fun of, but whether it was Oswald calling his decidedly loud Riddler suit “drab” or him suggesting his own clothing choices were more superb, Ed wasn’t exactly sure. Maybe it was both. 

A waiter came by with a tray of drinks. Ed shook his head but Oswald grabbed a glass. “And the cane? Clearly I don’t have one of my own. This one is just to complete the outfit.” He tapped a finger on the beak of his cane’s handle.

Oswald let out a bit of a huff into his glass of wine. “If I’m going to be on my feet for long periods of time, I require something to… ease the strain.” He used the cane in question to tap his bad leg. “Age has not helped old injuries.”

Ed knew this was the answer, but he gave a sympathetic nod. Then he held out his hand. “May I?”

The look he got in return was full of suspicion but after a moment pause Oswald relinquished the item. Ed tucked his own cane under his arm and held the new one up before his face while giving it a slow spin, allowing the gallery lights to glitter off it’s golden surface. 

“It’s lovely,” he noted as he passed it from hand to hand, getting a feel for the weight of it. “Functional?”

“If you’re asking if there’s a gun hidden in the handle,” Oswald replied, still watching Ed with a wary expression, “sorry, it’s merely decorative.”

Edward flashed a smug grin and raised his black walking stick up beside Oswald’s. “Well, my cane is a perfect reproduction. I made sure every detail was… accurate.” He let the word hang in the air. By the narrowing of Oswald’s eyes and his grip tightening on his glass, Ed knew the other man picked up on his meaning. There was, indeed, a dagger hidden within the cane’s shaft.

“Precaution,” Edward added.

“Precaution,” Oswald echoed. Then smiled and downed the rest of his drink. “How clever. However, I’m sure if given the right circumstance, I could simply brain a man with mine.”

“Is that so?”

“The handle is very sturdy.”

“That is true.” Ed eyed the gold cane still in his hands, then Oswald standing next to him, within arm’s reach. He could envision Oswald doing just that, his face turning red as it did when he got overly emotional, beating some poor fool bloody with the golden question mark, murder lighting up his eyes as blood splattered his face. Ah, it would be a sight to behold. 

Edward found himself swallowing hard and reminding himself to concentrate on why he was there. With determination he turned his attention to Oswald, the real, breathing Oswald. Glittering green and purple in the bright lights, done up in Ed’s signature colour. This, too, was a sight to behold. The music swelled around them and Ed thought he could feel it filling his chest.

Oswald, on the other hand, had completely tuned out Edward and was waving over another waiter. When the young man came over, Oswald handed over his empty glass, but before he could take another Ed stepped closer.

“Hold these, please,” Edward told the waiter, pushing both his cane and Oswald’s into the man’s free arm before sweeping an arm around Oswald’s waist and pulling him onto the dancefloor.

“W-what?” was all Oswald could stutter in shock as Ed guided him swiftly between the other dancers, until the two of them were surrounded by revelers. 

Once firmly stuck amongst the other party guests, Edward turned to face Oswald. The arm that was still wrapped around Oswald’s waist pulled him closer to Ed, and the taller man’s free hand grasped one of Oswald’s and held it aloft.

“Edward,” Oswald quickly whispered, his voice high in alarm, “what exactly are you doing?”

“It would be a shame,” he replied, his own voice calm even though his insides felt like a circus troop performing cartwheels, “to spend all this time and money on these spectacular costumes, and not let others enjoy the sight of them.” He smiled smugly down at his dance partner.

But even though Oswald frowned back in return, he didn’t pull away or fail to sway along as Edward began to move along with the music. Instead he eyed the other guests warily, taking note of some that were too interested in the two new dancers while he loosely placed his free hand on Edward’s shoulder.

“This is not what I’m here for,” Oswald finally muttered. “If someone recognizes either of us-”

“They won’t,” Edward reassured him, readjusting his one hand to the small of his partner’s back. He could feel Oswald’s body go ridged in his grasp. “You said yourself you’ve seen other guests dressed as the Riddler. Besides, dancing is less conspicuous. You walking around with your signature limp is much more likely to be recognized.”

Oswald’s head whipped around to glare daggers at Ed, his mouth opening to defend himself, but he found Edward’s face right above his, the beak of Ed’s mask grazing the tip of Oswald’s nose, and his words died instantly.

“Don’t be so sensitive,” Ed chastised. “Everyone in Gotham knows exactly how you walk. No, dancing is safer. You just look like you’ve had too much to drink.”

Ed received a scowl for that. “Maybe I should get a few more glasses of wine, then. I won’t have to pretend.”

Before Edward could reply, two other costumed guests bumped into them. One was a woman dressed as a Parisian lady akin to Marie Antoinette (most definitely one of Gotham’s young socialites, Ed recognized instantly), while the other woman was dressed as some sort of Hollywood movie pirate complete with beard and dreadlocks (Edward couldn’t be sure who she was, maybe an up and coming defense attorney?) 

“A penguin?” the pirate asked, clearly not pretending to be drunk. “And a Riddler?”

The Parisian lady leaned heavily on her dance partner and grinned at the two men. “How very scandalous!”

“Oh darling,” Oswald replied without a moment of hesitation, pulling Edward closer to him so their chests were pressed together and Oswald’s head was nearly tucked under Ed’s chin. He flashed the pair a flirty smile, “you have no idea.”

The two women laughed in return and partly danced, partly stumbled away from them. Ed noticed that any nearby partygoers that had been eyeing the pair before seemed to relax and begin to ignore them.

“Quick thinking,” Ed noted, his voice cracking against his will and his cheeks feeling warm. Even though the threat was gone, Oswald still held him close, and Edward didn’t feel like adjusting them.

“What exactly are you after here?” Oswald asked, leaning back so he could peer up into Ed’s dark eyes. Ah, there it was. Really, Ed was surprised it had taken so long for the question to be asked.

“I think we’re after the same thing.”

To Oswald’s questioning expression, Edward leaned closer so he could whisper into the other man’s ear. “This game has been fun, but I don’t think I can play it any longer. The back and forth, the digs at one another. I’m here for what’s mine.”

He could feel Oswald go tense as he breathed into his ear, and Ed himself felt like his heart was about to burst in either fear or excitement.

“W-what do you mean?” was all Oswald could utter.

“I’m going to leave you here on the dancefloor in a moment,” Edward whispered. Without thinking of it, he dug his fingers firmly into Oswald’s back and felt the other man let out a small gasp against his neck.

“Wait five minutes, then head down the hall that goes to the Roman wing,” Ed continued, slowly spinning the two of them so Oswald could see the direction he was talking about over his shoulder. “I’ll find you there. Then we’ll finish this.”

*

This had been a terrible idea was all Oswald found himself thinking as he hobbled down the hall away from the party, leaning on his golden cane with one hand and sipping from a wine glass with the other. 

No backup was waiting for him outside, no underlings were hiding in the crowd pretending to be fellow revellers. Really, he had not thought this plan through very well, it was more of a spur of the moment idea, on opportunity he had decided to seize. He had been feeling utterly exposed since he had first arrived at the fundraiser even though he was done up in a rather expensive costume, he had even been considering calling it all off when he had spotted Edward.

Ah, Ed. Oswald had picked him out early on. Really, what other tall, lanky fool would dress up as not just a penguin, but a rather exquisite, sparkling penguin with Oswald’s own cane? Well, not his own cane, the real signature piece was safely locked up at home, but Ed’s replica was a so accurate Oswald had almost called home to ensure his beloved walking stick was still there.

He had spent some time observing Edward from afar, at first out of sheer disbelief that he would have the audacity to take this opportunity to turn the King of Gotham into a costume (forgetting, of course, that he himself was dressed as a rather glitzy Riddler), and then out of intrigue. It was a rather splendid costume if Oswald was being honest, fitted in just the right way, and it sparkled beautiful as Ed strode around the party (thank goodness he wasn’t impersonating Oswald’s limp, else they would have had a much different conversation). Before Oswald had known what he was doing, he had been searching his mind for the perfect riddle and making his way over to the man in the penguin costume.

Which brought Oswald to here, to the hall leading to the Roman wing, feeling like his insides were buzzing and not sure if it was from the alcohol or his nerves.

This was not how he had wanted the evening to go, but it had all happened so quickly. Edward had swept him onto the dancefloor, causing Oswald’s heart to pound in his chest to be so exposed and yet be so close to Ed in a sea of people. And then Ed had left him there, just as quickly, and Oswald had just as quickly found his gold cane and a drink. Or two.

His nerves felt frayed at this sudden turn in events, and he concentrated on finishing his third drink, so much so that he didn’t hear a side door in the hallway creak open. Before he could fathom what was going on, Oswald felt something hook around his neck and yank him through the doorway, leaving behind only his dropped wine glass in pieces on the floor.

Oswald let out a shout, dropping his cane, as the door closed behind him and his back hit against a wall of shelves. He began to demand what was going on but his words were unable to leave his mouth due to another mouth pressing against his firmly. 

The sudden kiss, the feel of soft lips and a gloved hand cupping his face made Oswald’s mind go blank and he simply stood still, pressed against the shelves behind him, frozen without an idea of what was happening or how to react.

Sensing Oswald’s stunned reaction, his attacker? Abductor? Kisser? Pulled away from him and frowned.

“Really, Oswald,” Edward said, sounding a bit disheartened, “I would have thought that after all this time you would have a bit more enthusiasm.”

Oswald stared back at Edward, his heart in his chest feeling like it would burst forth at any moment, unsure of what to make of what just happened. The two of them were in some sort of linen closet, with shelves filled with table cloths and seat covers to be used for events like the fundraiser tonight. It was a bit dark, with only one light above them, but Oswald could see that Ed’s beaked mask was gone, allowing Oswald to see the red in his cheeks and the emotion glittering in his dark eyes. His chest rose and fell heavily, much like Oswald’s own was doing in that moment.

“I-I don’t like being grabbed unawares,” Oswald finally stammered. He stood up straight and smoothed out the front of his jacket. 

“I apologize,” Ed said. He looked guilty for a moment. “I should know that. I simply got too excited.” He looked down at the bird headed cane in his one hand, which Oswald realized he had used to hook around Oswald’s neck and pull him into the room.

“Edward,” he said slowly, trying to sound calm which was the opposite of how he truly felt. “Why are we in here?”

A small smile reappeared on Ed’s lips, the lips that had momentarily been on Oswald’s, and he gave Oswald a look that the shorter man could only describe as coy. It suddenly felt harder to breath for him.

“So we can be alone,” was the low reply. Edward took a step forward casually, making it so there was just a hand space between them. 

“Alone?” Oswald echoed, and quickly assessed their surroundings more closely. “In a linen closet?”

Ed cast a glance around the closet and shrugged slightly. “Perhaps not the most romantic spot, I’ll admit. But it was close by and secure.”

“Secure? Is that door even locked?”

“Yes, but I’m sure any server with a key could open it.”

Before Oswald could say anything else- which he was about to say quite a lot more actually- Edward was placing his free hand against the shelves, just above Oswald’s head, and leaning in close. Very close. So close Oswald had to lift his chin to look up into Ed’s dark, intense eyes. His heart suddenly leapt into his throat and he swallowed hard to try to make it go back to its rightful place.

“Oswald,” Ed began slowly, his voice low and making Oswald’s stomach flip. “I’m starting to feel a bit offended that you’re more concerned with where I’ve brought you rather than why.”

“Why?” The word came out in croak.

“The less that you wear, the hotter I’ll be. What am I?”

Without waiting for an answer Edward moved in and kissed Oswald again, and this time Oswald chose to forget about where they were and concentrate more on the other man pressing himself against him. 

This second kiss began softer than the first, and Oswald relished in the tenderness. But the gentleness passed quickly as Ed wrapped his arm that still held onto his cane around Oswald’s waist and put all of his weight into pressing Oswald against the shelves. The wooden boards pressed into his back and hips a bit painfully, but he didn’t mind. 

Instead he grabbed onto Ed’s rhinestone covered jacket and half pulled him down, half pulled himself up to get a better purchase on the taller man’s mouth. Edward parted his lips and welcomed Oswald’s tongue, allowing a quiet moan to spill out. Oswald’s whole body shivered in response. 

For a moment he thought how he was amazed that this was happening- here, this night, in this place, with this man. A man he had wanted for so long.

As their kissing deepened, Ed pressed his leg in between both of Oswald’s and rubbed against the hardness there. The suddenness of the act caused Oswald to let out a tiny squeak of surprise, but Edward wasted no time to recapture his mouth. The tall man moved both hands to Oswald’s hips and pulled them into his own, causing the fabrics of their costumes to rub against their erections with delicious friction. 

“I have been wanting you since I first saw you tonight,” Edward breathed into Oswald’s ear, his breath warm, before moving his mouth to the other man’s neck.

Oswald allowed his head to fall back, ignoring its light bump against the shelves and his bowler hat falling off, focusing instead on Ed’s lips and tongue making their way around the parts of his throat not covered by clothing. He thought of how he had watched Edward at the start of the night, how beautiful he had been under the sparkling lights, how elegant. 

“Oh believe me, I feet the same.”

“Something about you done up in my colours,” Ed stopped for a moment to lean back and gaze at Oswald, his expression hard to read. He ran a gloved hand down Oswald’s side, admiring the shimmering of the green and purple jacket, and Oswald found he had to hold his breath under those transfixed eyes. 

“It’s exquisite,” Edward finally breathed after what felt like forever. He then gently took one of Oswald’s gloved hands in his own and raised it to his lips to kiss it gently. The breath that Oswald was still holding rushed out in a sigh.

“It’s a shame I’m going to have to ruin this outfit.”

“Wait- what?” Oswald began as Ed dropped his hand. Dumfounded he watched as Ed lifted up his replica cane, still held firmly in one hand, and used his now free one to pull the handle off, revealing the blade hidden within.

The blood in Oswald’s veins went cold for a second and he tried to pull away from Edward, only there was no where to pull away to, so he could only press himself as much as he could against the shelving.

“Edward- what-?”

“Relax Oswald,” Ed said, his voice almost a purr. He leaned in close again and pressed the tip of blade into Oswald’s violet tie, ignoring how the other man gulped.

“This costume is fantastic, I will be the first to admit.” Edward came closer still so his breath danced upon Oswald’s panicked face, and as he spoke the knife slowly snaked down Oswald’s tie and to his chest. “But regrettably it will take too long to get you out of it so-”

With that Ed pressed into Oswald for another kiss, making the shorter man squeak, and sliced off one of the buttons of Oswald’s dress shirt with a skilled hand.

“No, no, no!” Oswald cried and shoved Edward back. “Edward Nygma, don’t you dare!”

Ed quickly raised both hands, one still holding the offending knife, and took a step back, his face startled and confused.

“Oswald, I-”

“This may be a costume,” he cut Edward off and pointed a stern finger at him, “but it is probably worth more than any of your ridiculous Riddler outfits.”

The confusion slipped from Ed’s face and was replaced with skepticism and thinly veiled annoyance. “That’s arguable.”

But Oswald ignored him and investigated the front of his shirt. “And now it’s ruined.”

Edward closed his eyes in irritation and rubbed his forehead. “Oswald, you are making this extremely difficult. Perhaps this was a bad idea.”

This made Oswald head snap up and mouth go dry. Yes, he was ruining this wasn’t he? Ed’s shoulders were scrunched up as he continued to dig his fingers into the bridge of his nose, the telltale signs of stress Oswald had come to recognize, when just moments ago he had been lithe and dripping with arousal. Oswald had made that disappear. 

Oswald looked away with embarrassment and wrung his hands before glancing over at the closet door, which he couldn’t help imagining someone bursting in at any moment. It was a silly fear, he knew, when two of the most dangerous men in Gotham were here in this room. Still, he was just-

“Nervous,” Oswald finally admitted with a shaky breath. “I’m just feeling nervous.”

Edward’s hand fell from his face and he met Oswald gaze, his eyes just as dark and intense as before. Oswald couldn’t help but feel a warmth in his loins from that look alone. Oh, what this man did to him.

“I want to do this,” he continued, stepping closer to Edward. “God, do I ever. But it’s happening rather quickly.” Tentatively he raised his hands and placed them on Ed’s chest, to which Ed took a deep breath and put his own hands, one still knife wielding, over Oswald’s. 

“Ah.” The sound escaped from Edward’s lips softly, and he leaned in close so his words danced on Oswald’s cheek. “So I’m going to fast for you?”

Involuntarily Oswald inhaled sharply before turning his face, causing their lips to be inches apart. “I wouldn’t go that far. I just prefer to be prepared.”

“Do you need a few moments then? To get prepared?”

“I’m good,” Oswald said, his voice more confident. “I just like it better when I’m the one who has the knife.”

Confusion crossed Ed’s face again. “Wha-?” he began before the point of his own knife was directed at his chin. Oswald smirked at him, holding the cane blade in one of his hands. During their close exchange, the smaller man had gently swiped the weapon.

“There,” there was a touch of coyness to Oswald’s voice, “I feel much more prepared now.” He pressed the blade into Edward’s chin, just hard enough to draw a dribble of blood. Though he would be loath to admit it, the sight of crimson quickened the beat of Oswald’s heart.

The expression on Ed’s face was dark, but not with anger. He stared intensely into Oswald’s eyes and licked his lips. “I don’t know why I find you stealing my knife incredibly arousing, but I do.”

With a smirk Oswald pulled the blade closer to him, forcing Ed to move take a half step forward, his chin still pierced by the tip. “And what do you plan on doing about it?”

Not needing any more of an invitation, Edward batted the hand hold the knife away, ignoring the small cut it caused on his chin. He seized Oswald’s face with both his hands and kissed him roughly, biting the shorter man’s lip and sucking on his tongue.

Oswald in turn held onto Edward’s hips and pulled him close, this time allowing his weak leg in between Ed’s to cause friction against his cock while his good leg help him stay up. He put the knife on a nearby box where he knew it would be in arm’s reach, for even though he had acted flirty about it a moment ago, Oswald really did feel more comfortable with the weapon in his hand. No longer did he have to worry about the not so secure door on the other side of the room. Should someone intrude on the two men he felt much more relaxed if he could defend himself even in a compromising position. 

With a newfound sense of security, Oswald could truly let go in Ed’s grasp. The taller man directed their bodies towards a wall, so neither of them had to suffer against the shelves, and pressed Oswald against it with his whole body. As Edward licked up Oswald’s neck, Oswald busies himself with pushing Ed’s glittering tux jacket off his shoulders and onto the closet floor. Oswald then began fumbling with the bowtie around Ed’s neck but made no headway.

“A little help?” Oswald finally huffed, lifting up his gloved hands.

Ed lightly bit Oswald’s neck and stood straight. “You can always…” he nodded towards the dagger on the box.

The look he got in return clearly spelled what Oswald thought of that suggestion, so instead Edward took the wrist of one of Oswald’s upheld hands and, instead of pulling the glove off with his free hand, gently bit the fabric at the very tip of Oswald’s pinky finger. A shock spiked up Oswald’s spine as Edward met his gaze, his eyes dark and lustful. Transfixed, Oswald watched as Ed slowly pulled the fabric of the glove off the little finger with his teeth oh so slowly, then moved on to the next finger and did the same, keeping eye contact the entire time. There was something very sensual about the action. 

Once done all the way to the thumb, Ed pulled the glove completely free from Oswald’s hand and let the glove fall to the floor, and Oswald thought he was going to burst from the achingly slow pace Edward used.

But as soon as the glove hit the floor it was like the tension between them shattered and Ed was pulling his own gloves off frantically and Oswald threw his remaining glove all the way across the room. Then in a flash Edward was pulling at Oswald’s shirt buttons just as Oswald did to his, ignoring Ed’s bowtie all together. 

Oswald found skin first and he was on it with his mouth, licking and nipping and reveling in how delicious it tasted. Ed’s hands stuttered and stopped in their work on Oswald’s shirt as the other man found one of his nipples and circled it with his tongue. He froze for a moment and let out a long hiss as Oswald opened his white shirt completely, it still tucked into his cumber bun.

Oswald allowed his hands to roam around Edward’s torso while he continued to spend time on his nipple with his mouth. He let his finger tips dance over dozens of scars before finding their way to his back, where he pressed his nails into the skin here.

This seemed to rouse Ed from his momentary stun, and with a growl he suddenly picked up Oswald by the thighs and pushed him harder into the wall with him in between the other man’s legs.

“Ooph-“ escaped Oswald as his back hit the wall, but any pain was quickly forgotten as Edward pressed his pelvis into Oswald’s and rolled his hips, causing their erections to rubbed against each other through their pants and a wave of pleasure to wash over him. He wrapped his arms around Ed’s shoulders to help keep himself up.

“Are you alright?” Ed asked, though it was hard for Oswald to hear because his breath was laboured and his face was nuzzled into Oswald’s shoulder.

“Fantastic,” Oswald admitted breathlessly, feeling dazed as Ed rolled his hips into him again.

“Oswald,” he huffed as he raised his face to lick the other man’s earlobe. “I want you.”

Another hip roll. Oswald could clearly feel Edward’s arousal, just has hard as his, and he chuckled. “Yes, I can tell.” That response got him a nip on his ear, but he didn’t mind. 

“Can I have you?”

For a moment the euphoria dimmed, and Oswald looked around the linen closet. “Here?”

“Not ideal, I know,” Ed said. He sucked on Oswald’s earlobe for a moment before continuing. “I just want you in my mouth.”

The admission caused an electric spark down Oswald’s spine, and his searching gaze fell upon the knife on the nearby box. Just seeing its glinting blade made him feel more relaxed and his apprehension faded.

“Alright.”

The casual agreement must have taken Ed by surprise because he nearly dropped Oswald on the ground. Quickly he managed to stop the fall and instead put Oswald on his feet before him. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. 

“Alright?” he echoed, still a bit surprised.

“Alright.”

“You would be fine with me-” Edward stuttered, glancing over his shoulder to the door, “-performing- here- while there’s so many-”

Oswald frowned. “Edward, are you trying to change my mind?”

“Heavens no,” he quickly replied. Then he grinned, and Oswald thought his heart might explode. “You’re just full of surprises this evening.”

“I try to keep people on their toes,” Oswald said, trying to sound flirtatious. He then grabbed onto the ragged bowtie of Ed’s costume and pulled him closer. “Now have me, penguin man.”

It took no time for Edward to be back to kissing Oswald deeply, his tongue inside his mouth, while the taller man used one hand to rub Oswald’s cock through his pants and the other to undo the belt and button of his trousers. Ed then pushed a hand inside and caressed Oswald’s erection gently, causing both men to moan.

He spent a few moments stroking Oswald while also nibbling his neck, and Oswald melted against the wall, arms around Ed’s shoulders and hands in Ed’s hair, before Edward used both hands to push Oswald’s slacks and underwear down a bit. Edward then knelt to his knees and while looking up at Oswald with lustful eyes (of course Oswald couldn’t help but think of how attractive Ed looked, on his knees, dark hair messy, lips swollen from kissing), he took the erection into his mouth.

The wet warmth made Oswald sigh in relief, and he leaned more heavily against the wall for support. He felt dazed as Edward moved his lips up and down the length of his arousal, using one hand to stroke it at the same time. He took his time at first, using his tongue to lap at the tip of his cock, and then licking up the shaft languidly. The lazy rhythm was heavenly.

But as Edward moved his head more quickly, Oswald felt his pleasure building in his groin. He ran his hand through Edward’s hair, mussing in more. When he gave a gentle tug at the hair, Edward moaned with Oswald’s erection still in his mouth. The sensation was fantastic.

Oswald wasn’t sure how long he would hold on, the pleasure was getting so intense. He had to grab onto a shelf to keep his legs from going out from under him. Just when he wasn’t sure he could take anymore, Ed’s free hand moved into Oswald’s underwear and cupped his balls, lightly massaging them, and Oswald knew he was done.

“Ed-Ed I’m gunna-” he began, but the other man only nodded and hummed, Oswald’s cock still in his mouth, and that was it. Oswald felt his orgasm take over him. He let his head roll back and he moaned loudly, and felt Edward swallowing his release. 

Once done and Ed licked the last of Oswald’s juice off the tip of his penis, Oswald allowed himself to slide onto the floor of the room, completely satisfied and feeling like his limbs were made of jelly. Edward joined him a moment later, using his pocket square to wipe his mouth before kissing Oswald again. He wasn’t sure, since Ed had wiped his face, but Oswald thought he might have tasted a bit of himself on his lips.

The two men remained on the floor, lazily kissing, before a thought came to Oswald. Quickly he sat up, eyes darting to the closet door, and then to the knife. It was still nearby, but now that Oswald wasn’t being driven mad with lust, it didn’t make him feel nearly as better.

“Edward,” he began, looking around at the room, anywhere other than the man beside him. 

“Oh no,” Ed said, his tone unreadable. He sat up beside Oswald, his expression just as unreadable. “That is not a good tone.”

Oswald busied himself with pulling his underwear and pants back up. “This was fun, it really was.”

“But?”

“I don’t think we should do this again.”

Instead of anger or hurt, Ed instead sighed dramatically and fell back onto the floor. “Oswald-”

“Listen, I appreciate the effort,” Oswald interrupted him as he straightened out his shirt and jacket. “I really do. But I would much rather we kept our bedroom life in our, well, bedroom. The game’s over.”

Edward rolled onto his side so he could examine Oswald. After a moment of seeing Oswald fuss about his clothing, he smirked. “You were worried someone would walk in.”

“Of course I was worried someone would walk in. You said the staff could get in with keys!”

“Oh Oswald,” he said with a sigh. He grabbed Oswald’s hands and kissed them one at a time. “Nobody can get in. I made sure of it. We are completely safe.”

“Nobody- then why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

Ed laughed a little at that. “I thought it would make things more exciting. Someone people get turned on if they think they’re going to get caught.”

Oswald stared at him in disbelief. It was a lie? This entire time he felt stressed and a tiny bit panicked over nothing? Oswald tried to keep his face calm to hide the tinge of anger he felt.

“Well, I am not one of those people,” he told Ed, pulling his hands away and crossing them over his chest. But how he felt must have snuck into his voice because he could see the change in Ed’s demeanor.

“Forgive me, I miscalculated.” Edward sat up and shuffled over to Oswald’s sulking form. He wrapped his arms around Oswald and put his head on the other man’s shoulder. “When you said you wanted to come to this masquerade separately and pretend we weren’t together, I didn’t know what to plan. It was much different than anything we’ve done before.”

Though he was still a bit mad, Oswald sank into Ed’s arms without thinking about it. “Honestly, I didn’t know either. I just was worried perhaps our regular bedroom activities were getting… boring.”

Another laugh. “Oswald, my dear, you are many things but you are most definitely not boring.” When he was rewarded with a smile, Edward nuzzled his nose against Oswald’s neck. “You are also a rather attractive Riddler.”

Oswald couldn’t help but blush, any hurt feelings from before vanishing. “And you are a rather fetching penguin, sir.” He gave Edward a slow kiss. “I watched you from a distance when you first arrived, since we said we would play this out the entire night, but I couldn’t help coming over to you. You were just so… attractive.”

“I couldn’t help but sweep you onto the dancefloor,” Ed admitted. “And that was my downfall. The night wasn’t even half over, but the moment you were against me I needed to have you.”

They kissed again, with Oswald’s hands around Ed’s neck and Ed’s hands in Oswald’s hair, and for a moment it seemed like they were getting ready for round two when-

“But really, I cannot believe you dressed up as a penguin.”

“I meant what I said, I couldn’t resist,” Ed said with glee. “And you dressed as me. Great minds do think alike.”

“Is that really a replica?” Oswald asked while nodding to the knife that still remained nearby. 

“Oh it is,” was the reply. “I couldn’t risk you using your cane this evening and finding it gone. Now your Riddler cane-” Ed let out a whistle, “-that really is a wonderful piece. I almost want one now.”

“Well darling, if you want it, it’s yours.” 

Edward grinned like a boy and gave Oswald a quick peck on the cheek. His lover’s happiness was everything to him, and if he could make Ed happy with a silly little costume cane, so be it. Perhaps he would look in to making it more function…

After a few more moments of lazy affection, Ed got up from the floor and assisted his partner up before beginning to put his clothing in order. As Oswald looked around the room for his own belongings, a horrible thought came to him.

“Ed,” Oswald began as he buttoned up his own shirt, “I didn’t… I didn’t upset you with some of the things I said earlier, did I?”

For a moment Ed didn’t say anything, then gave a weak shrug. “You were always good at insults.”

“Oh, oh no.” Oswald stopped Edward in his dressing by putting his hands on either sides of his face. After a deep kiss, Oswald made sure Ed continue to look at him. “I didn’t mean any of those things, I was only playing the game.”

“I know,” was the weak reply.

“I’m going to make it up to you,” Oswald assured him. He finished doing up Ed’s buttons and then fished his discarded jacket from the floor. “We are going to go home, and we are going to finish what we started here, only I am going to tell you all the things I love about you as we do.”

A smile tugged at Edward’s lips. “Alright. But only if you wear that Riddler outfit.”

Oswald rolled his eyes but grinned as well. Perhaps hooking up at a crowded fundraiser wasn’t the sort of thing for the two of them, but maybe they had found something else to spicy things up.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that ending was a bit surprising, I really liked the idea of Ed and Oswald trying to spice up their sex life in weird ways. I also wanted to keep it a surprise that they were actually in a relationship the whole time and just pretending not to be, so I hope I managed to pull that off.  
> This originally started as the idea of Ed and Oswald dressing up as each other for some costume party, which was inspired by Ed performing as the Penguin at Cherry's in S4. I thought the idea was really silly but adorable, and then somehow it turned into this? Oh well.  
> And then couldn't help but incorporate Oswald creating the Riddler cane, just because I really love the idea of Ed eventually getting his signature cane either from Oswald, or because he is inspired by Oswald's own cane


End file.
